Ah, the sun is out, it’s 17 degrees and I’m gonna hit the beach with my dog as soon as I’m done writing this for you.
On Thursday I did four Facebook Lives — all stories about my previous business — such as how I managed to turn over $20m as a single mum, the mistake that cost me $15,000, and more.
You can check them all out here. but here’s a disclaimer — my Internet kept freezing, so there are some blank moments where I’m frozen and my face looks like a surprised fish.
Anyway one of the videos I just recorded was “The 3 Fears I Had To Overcome To Quit My Job” or something like that. I liked it the most because I turned my fears around into things I loved, things that felt good, and things that would make me grow into the person I wanted to become. And I encouraged my viewers to do the same.
I thought it’d make a great blog post for you because if this is all that’s standing in the way of you making such a life changing decision such as starting your own business, we can easily resolve it and then get your business going…
So first I thought about the three biggest fears I had back then. It was almost 20 years ago but interestingly the fears still sometimes pop up, so I didn’t have to cast my mind back too far…
Here they are:
I’M NOT CLEVER ENOUGH
WHAT IF IT FAILS
WHAT IF I’M WRONG
I’m going to show you how to quickly and easily become the boss of all your thoughts
What would yours be? I want you to to take a moment to connect with the fears that pop up the most in your brain, as they are likely to be the same fears stopping you building your business.
When you go to sleep worrying about the same thing over and over… what is it? What’s your internal dialogue? We all have an inner critic who loves to point out that we aren’t beautiful enough, aren’t clever enough, aren’t organised enough, aren’t wealthy enough.
It’s all BS of course, but it doesn’t stop us believing it and living our lives as though it’s our boss and we must obey it at all costs.
Write your three big fears now, and then we can do the next part of the exercise. And it’s OK if they are the same as mine.
Once you’ve written them, look at my three fears again.
The first fear is about ME, the second two aren’t.
If you’ve got at least one fear that’s about YOU, then do the next step. If all your fears are “what ifs”, then you can skip this step.
I’M NOT CLEVER ENOUGH
I’m about to turn I’M NOT CLEVER ENOUGH into MY BIGGEST QUALITIES… and then you will be able to do the same.
First, I think about where this actually comes from. What are my earliest memories, where this felt real for me.
I really struggle with numbers. I can’t see them properly and I make ridiculous mistakes with them. Before the iPhone, it took me about 20 minutes to call someone… I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t use the old mobile phones either, they just didn’t make sense to me. I can’t write in my bank details properly. I can’t calculate money. I can’t work out percentages. So imagine the internal dialogue going on in there… “Stupid Sharon” repeated itself over and over and over for decades.
Fast forward to the early 90s. I had my A levels under my belt, I had a 2 year OND in graphic design under my belt, and I had two whole years of a graphic design and illustration degree under my belt. One more year and I’d have a degree which would show people I’m not stupid… (Right…!)
I was called in to talk to my tutors. They sat opposite me and told me I wasn’t good enough to complete my degree.
I was more devastated than I’d ever been in my life. Of course I was good enough, I’d got that far. But they had another agenda because the Poly was turning into a Uni and they’d taken on too many students.
But why was I singled out?
Well by this time, not only did I have “Stupid Sharon” flashing above my head like a sleazy motel neon light, I also was riddled with undiagnosed CPTSD, and *everything* was such a struggle for me.
If all the students in my year were wildebeest, I was the weak straggler at the back of the pack and that’s why I was singled out. Actually there were quite a few stragglers, but that didn’t make me feel any better.
I was told to go home and arrange cushions
The story doesn’t end there but for this exercise, I’m cutting it short. When the time came for me to leap from my super successful Corporate ID job in a software company in 2000, I still felt like “Stupid Sharon” and I was still worried it would follow me around forever.
I mostly managed to keep it under control. But the inner critic hates being under control and it will fight to get noticed by creating the most embarrassing of situations.
Eventually, I became aware enough to think we shouldn’t be fighting what’s inside of us… So one day I sat down and did this…
If I’M NOT “CLEVER”, what am I? Well, first I’m actually very clever, but I’m not “academic”, I can’t see numbers properly and I can’t follow instructions. If you struggle in a similar way, you may well make the best kind of business person. Just saying 😉
So in lieu of being academic, what am I…? What drives me? What do I feel in abundance? What am I drawn towards? LOVE. I literally want to LOVE everything. I believe LOVE will save the world. When I feel LOVE, I feel like Queen Of The World, and from there, everything is possible.
And if I go deeper, inside of LOVE, what are my three biggest qualities?
I can connect very fast with people — this means they don’t feel alone
I am super empathetic — this means people feel loved and heard
I am extremely consistent and reliable — this means people feel safe
What awesome qualities to have! I would defo forfeit my ability to add up to have these magical loving qualities! It’s as if I had a choice in my gifts. Ahem.
And in business that means I can get people to trust me fast, so they can open up, let go and then trust themselves too. Once they trust themselves, they’ve pretty much cracked it. That is magical, and not something that can be taught at University.
So I rambled a bit, but I wanted to give you the full idea of this so you can do it too.
Now it’s your turn…
Look at your three fears, and if you do have one that’s about YOU, take some time to connect with it. Then allow some early memories around that fear to pop up. Write them down, just as I’ve done. Just let it all flow… the feelings, the hurt, the pain, the stories, the “why me” — just let it all out.
And then look at who you really are. If you’re not sure, you can ask people you know “What’s the one word that describes me, above all else?”
Write that one word down, like mine was LOVE. Maybe you feel you are PRESENCE, PEACE, MESSENGER, TRANSFORMER? If it feels right, you can move on, otherwise give yourself more time.
I like to use the I AM statements here, for extra internal fireworks: I AM LOVE… What are you? Write it down and stick it up somewhere where you can connect with it every day.
Then when you’re ready, write three qualities that you’ve cultivated over your lifetime by being this one big word. Also write how they positively impact others, just like I did.
Do that now.
OK, so without thinking about it, you’ve just started creating your own personal brand, and can definitely use all this in your fledgeling business to attract your new clients.
When you’ve fully integrated the first one, then move on. If you have another fear that’s personal to you, do the same exercise again.
If your next fear is not personal, it could be one of these two. If it’s something else, you can apply the same techniques.
WHAT IF IT FAILS
This is one of the most common fears — and that quote BUT WHAT IF YOU FLY? may help you… Or it may not be enough.
The point of the quote is that both questions: “What if I fail?” “But what if you fly?” are future projections. There’s no current reality to either of them, so if you’re going to imagine anything about your future, you may as well imagine the second scenario.
I ran a plant spirit shamanic temple for 8 years (as a single mum, not for profit, sometimes elbow deep in vomit… yum), and our biggest way of dealing with fears was to say “I recognise you. You are not me. I let you go.” If you want to try that you’ll instantly find yourself feeling more empowered inside. Whatever you do, don’t fight it. Don’t engage with it. Don’t Try to suppress it.
Remember that the fear of failure is just a story. If you don’t vibe with that mantra I just taught you, it’s OK. If you don’t want to think “What if I fly?”, it’s OK. You can just allow that fear to be in your head, like a record that’s got stuck because of a scratch. Because without fighting it, changing it or dismissing it you can simply TAKE ACTION TOWARDS YOUR DREAMS ANYWAY. Consistent action will eventually make that voice fade away, and you didn’t need to engage in it.
Words are spells, cast them wisely
Your fear of failure may look like this “I’ll lose my home, my family and I’ll end up a wino on the streets”. We call this WCSS — Worst Case Scenario Syndrome.
Well if anything is going to stop you being successful, constantly visualising yourself as homeless will!
And I know that feeling… I’ve been homeless more than once. The last time was with a 7 month old baby. I rarely tell that story because I don’t want to energise it. I don’t recommend even joking that it could be an option for you because that could be enough to cause it to happen.
And then there’s the flip side of the fear of your business not working at all — how about your business becomes too successful and it fails for that reason? Ooooh the mind is fascinating, isn’t it?! Is this resonating with you? What if I lose my spare time? What if I get kidnapped and held to ransom? What if my friends disown me? What if everyone laughs at me? All that could be in there. Take time to go into your fears and really listen to the stories behind the stories.
So your fears of failure please
Pop them on some paper and go into all those little stories. They’ll love that you’re indulging in them, but it will be the last time, because once you get them out of your brain this time, you’ll use one or both of the techniques I just gave you — for the rest of your life.
“I recognise you. You are not me. I let you go.”
Let the fear be there, don’t engage, and take daily action towards your success
WHAT IF I’M WRONG
So to finish this little exercise, let’s look at another common non-personal fear, which is one of mine and could be one of yours.
There’s been some left brained study somewhere that confirms those who know more are less confident about what they know than those who know less. If you’re passionate about something, if you’re an expert, if you’ve trained in something — you may still hesitate to build your business because you think you don’t yet know enough, or you may not have enough conviction in your knowledge or beliefs.
This is where Impostor Syndrome comes in. It’s also where being an eternal student comes in. It may actually freeze you into inaction.
So here are the three things you can do right now to stop the fear of being wrong in its tracks.
You only need to be two steps ahead of those you are teaching, and you’ll always be learning and open to new concepts or discoveries.
You are allowed to change your views and your message as you go. I started my superfood business before we discovered raw chocolate. Did I say “Oh we can’t have chocolate in this revolution, it’s not cabbagy enough”, or did I welcome it with open arms and kick start another, bigger revolution?
This is the easy one because you’ve just practised it… Any time you lose conviction in your message, and those stories creep in, what do you say? “I recognise you. You are not me. I let you go.” Or you simply allow it to be and you carry on regardless. Because even though there may be days where your inner critic takes centre stage and shouts “who am I to change the world?” Your daily practise of taking consistent action will shout louder.
Isn’t it all easy?
I hope you did the exercises in this blog post, because it will get you out of that mind trap and into creating your beautiful world changing business in no time.
https://shazzie.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/1969_3sm.png1065800Shazzlehttps://shazzie.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/shazzie_logo_2019.pngShazzle2019-03-30 12:30:332019-03-30 16:33:35The 3 Fears You Need To Overcome To Quit Your Job