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News and viewsAfter finishing my epic seven year online journal, I thought I'd just give you a roundup every month. Raw female John Craven, I am. This is the second year of it, so it seems to work. If you want more from me, you can have a daily dose here, or a monthly newsletter here. Is that enough?
January 2008Ecstatic New Year to you all, guys. I honestly did have the best party ever at Kate's house. Our pictures tell only some of the story. It was one of those nights that had everything going on in it and it was all great and fun and overexciting. All of it. So some of my favourite people loved me into 2008. We broke down barriers, we built our new year on full on ecstatic love. Wow. This is going to be the best year ever. For everyone. Stuff's happening so obviously now. Our world is changing quickly, life has sped up, we are in the age of instant manifestation, and we really now need to only ever make the best choice. Hope you're ready... So on New Year's Day after not a wink of sleep, I skinny dipped in the sea. Invigorating, exciting, exhilarating, and only my ankles really felt the cold. But didn't stay in there long. Just enough to get wet all over and wash off 2007. Our calendarsWe've had some great feedback on our Ecstatic Beings calendar. Poems and art and love and funniness. Get one now to brighten up your walls. Obsessive compulsory disorderIf your child is in nursery, state-run or private, by September this year they'll be forced to read and write, even at the age of 3. It's detrimental for children to be forced to read and write so early! This does not solve illiteracy in school leavers! Please sign the petition today, to help this silly nanny state law becoming reality for babes just out of arms. You need to confirm the signing by clicking a link in an email they send you, so please use a real email addy. For full information on why this is a bad idea and harmful to children, please visit the Open EYE web site. I love the governmentThey say Dump The Detox. I say something else on their blog... Detox is for life, not just for New Year Detox has become a buzz word of late but it has its roots in ancient practices. In the Essene Gospel of Peace, Jesus tells people to clear out their stinking behinds with a gourd and its stalk! These days we may do MSM and diluted H2O2 enemas in the comfort of our own bathrooms, reading Russell Brand's latest book, or is that just me?! Modern medicine is just that -- modern. It's not very effective (IE it suppresses symptoms, and rarely cures diseases) and it's only so common because of fear, money and indoctrination. The pharmaceutical industry is the biggest in the world, and really doesn't want "the masses" to take control of its health. They'll ban safe herbs such as kava kava and stevia (and many more) to cause more people to take their (expensive) drugs. So shouting down the odd therapist on this board is not realistic in the grand scheme of who's actually making money from the public's health. We can all argue until the cows come home (or go to the over intensive and extremely cruel and unnecessary slaughterhouse) but one thing we can't argue about is the evidence we all notice within our own bodies. I know that the last 8 years of my life would have been horrible if I hadn't detoxed my world. I was sick, overweight, puffy, depressed and angry. Detoxing *cured* me. I'm now fully healthy and happy and no longer overweight. If I went back to eating *normal* SUKD (Standard UK Diet), I'd go back to feeling sick. This is why I say that detox is for life, not just for New Year. Along my journey I've helped millions of people detox their lives (detoxing isn't restricted to food), and become happy humans. When I hear their stories, I always cry with joy. Their stories all have the same ending -- they become healthy, happy people. That's all they ever wanted, yet modern food and drugs prevented this. This is my experience, this is their experience. Milk thistle may or may not have been involved during the course of their detox ;-) What are our goals as humans? If it's to fight, then let's carry on eating food raised with fear, NPK and pesticides. If it's to live with love in our hearts, ecstatically serving the planet, then we need to be clean, free from medicated fear and open to the opportunities that lie before us. We are so lucky in the UK. We have an abundance of natural food, that is free for the taking. Let's grow fruit trees, forage for wild food, and get back to eating real food. Manufactured food isn't recognisable by the body and will not make an ecstatic being of any of us. Real food will detox us naturally and we'll rejuvenate, de-age, become our right weight and become divinely aligned with our true destinies. In my humble experience... This will sound like rubbish to some, and that's fine. Yet to others, there'll be nods of agreement. We all have our own paths. If dietician Catherine Collins really believes she's healthy (when she looks like she's overweight and in pain to me), then she must keep telling the nation to drink tea and blackcurrant cordial. However, if she, and other skeptics of detox think they could be healthier than they are now, if they can just about remember how bouncy, happy and energetic they were as a child, then it'd be wonderful if they gave detoxing a go. I've heard there are a few books on the subject, but I wouldn't recommend mine, they're far too hardcore for the tentative amongst us. I'm fully ecstatic that you brought up this subject, Dr Wadge. Sending you all love, especially Patrick Holford because it was your Optimum Nutrition Bible that saved my life all those years ago. I'm forever grateful to you. You know what? I'd love to Doxtor a government official. Or my beloved soul sister, chief Dietician Catherine Collins. Remove some of those preconceptions at the very least... How was it for you?I just watched Health Food Junkies on Channel Four. Well, if you'd have read the reviews in the papers, you'd think that the documentary was about mentalists. Yet Kate, Suki and that young man whose name escapes me were all great. The addition of Reuben made it more well rounded, having the viewpoint of a ten year old. Suki was ever the articulate one, full of knowledge, and saying it all with a smile. She's a real pro with these things, and is sure to be a shining light in the raw food revolution. Kate was being herself, too. Funny, sparkly and wholly observant. The young man and his wife were overecstited about their raw journey (too right, it's the best thing ever!), and you can't argue that he looks amazing. And that's the point that we always remember -- it doesn't matter what they say or what we say or if there's a slightly sarcastic tone to the narrator's voice. What matters is that these people feel better on raw than on cooked. It's that simple. We want to feel great, so we eat raw food. Not much of a revelation, when you think about what all other animals do, is it? I worked with Rowan, the director of this show, when it was in the pilot stage. I remember when I was enthusing about ecstatic foods, her jaw actually dropped. I was there when she was filming Kate, and she was gentle, kind and considerate from the start. She just asked questions, observed and filmed. She didn't ever judge, which makes me really thankful. This film signifies a turning point for the raw food revolution in the UK. All the participants glowed with health. The kiddies were swimming in the sea in November, with smiles on their faces. The food looked perfect, I was excited to see what they all ate. And it also seemed like one great big advert for Detox Your World, as the participants pulled out products that we sell one by one! That made me feel quite worthwhile ;-) Massive big up to all involved -- what a great project all round. I'm proud of you all! Yaoh awards 2008, vote for us!Once again we've been nominated for an ecstatic award via the wonderful and hard working Tim and his Yaoh team. I totally love these guys. So here's the category: 8 Best Vegan Raw/Superfood Suppliers. And this is what Tim says: "The raw food movement goes from strength to strength in the UK as more and more people take the leap from cooked to raw. For many this is the next step on from going vegan, and although the juries out on the benefits of adopting a 100% raw lifestyle, there's no doubting the benefits of introducing more raw and living foods into our diets, especially when it comes to fats, which are always best raw and never that clever when cooked or processed.". And this is what they say about us "Detox Your World. Big faves with many, brilliant online shop plus suppliers to the trade for bulk Maca powder, Goji berries, Cacao nibs and the like. Family firm with the dazzling Shazzie leading the line with admirable support from Mum Denise and big sister Jennie, not to mention 'token Male and pin up' Bryan, who is of course 'the Daddy'. We really like this firm and they are warm, rich and imaginative when it comes to presenting the best of the raw faves and staples, with a guaranteed quality and freshness for all their many products. You Beauties.. http://www.detoxyourworld.com/" So you get the chance to win a groovy hamper, and one's give out each month during voting season, so please, if you love us, vote for us. We are great, we know it, you know it, now let's tell the rest of the world by voting right here, now. Get out claws
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Web and graphic designer, full timeWe urgently need a wonderfully talented, ecstatic and overly creative health freak of a designer to work in our offices in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, UK. You need to know a lot about the health/raw food/raw chocolate industry. You need to be passionate at all times, coming up with exciting ideas for the web site. You'll be maintaining www.detoxyourworld.com and making it more interactive, more findable, more lovable, more branded. You need to know Actinic 8 inside out (or at least Actinic 7 and be happy to be trained). You've got to be a bit too technical, too. Understand those bits that go beyond HTML. And you have to be very very anal. We have enema kits to help you on your days off, but on your days on, attention to detail is what counts. You will also love print design and will get absorbed by Quark or InDesign. You'll be ecstatic to take our brand as far as it can go, and pull yourself in that direction, too. You'll help manage our online presence, such as AdWords, social networking sites, links and forum participation. You'll develop and maintain affiliate programs to increase our revenue and awareness of our brand. You'll make our web site a happy and nourishing place to visit, creating free "things to do" for anyone wanting to detox a little bit of their world for five minutes. You'll get overexctited about creating applets, making visual and moving messages and having viral marketing fun. You'll do some day to day stuff like designing labels, and some project management stuff like product development alongside our marketing wizardess. This is a really exciting opportunity for you if you want to express yourself through your art whilst developing a brand that's going to be recognisable throughout the food retail sector. If you would like to work for Detox Your World, to design for the fastest growing health company in the UK, then please email valerie at (goawayspammers) detoxyourworld dot (goawayspammers) com now, with your CV and a covering letter. |

Exercise is just as effective for depression as pharmaceutical drugs. Come on. Take responsibility for your own health and lives guys. The big boys won't do it for you, because they don't make money out of healthy people.
I have to say, I didn't realise Hillary was running for president until I saw this. Not actually interested in the USA til they apologies to my mate Kate for terrorising her at the airport. And actually certainly not interested in politics, I want to bring it all tumbling down. It doesn't work and it's killing our planet.
Raw Magic, new book coming soonI'm really excited about this. I've just made an agreement to publish Kate's next book, Raw Magic. She's written two other wonderful books called Eat Smart, Eat Raw and Raw Living, which Grub Street published. They've done a wonderful job in distributing raw information throughout the world as they've had it published in many countries. Now, however, Kate and I wanted to take it to a new level. We wanted to create a book that showed clearly how to live life fully with superfoods. We've decided to fully photograph this (that's my job, which I'm overexcited about as I love photography so much) and it's going to be about 300 pages and full colour. There is no other book like it in the world. It's totally unique. So we're aiming for a release date of 1st April (we saw that as very fitting) and my company Rawcreation Ltd will publish and distribute it worldwide. If you're interested in stocking it or buying it, please contact us here. We're working really hard to get it published in this short time (publishing houses usually take 12-18 months to do a book, but they're not all superbeings!). We're publishing it under the name of Kate Magic Wood. Kate altered her name to Kate Magic when she separated from her husband, but as people know her other books as being written by Kate Wood, we decided on this, so people knew who wrote the book.
And hot on the heals of Raw Magic will be Evie's Kitchen written by me. It's taken me a long time to get this book together but it's now at that stage where it's nearly ready. I'm so overecstited about this. My mate Admmm is coming to stay with me for a couple of months to help me finish it. I actually couldn't do it without him because I'm so busy doing so much else. He's probably the only other person on the planet apart from me, Kate and David (Wolfe) that knows this stuff inside out, so I fully trust that he'll do the best job for me. And I get to look at a pretty boy for a couple of months. Much better than staring at white walls.
I take my visions very seriously. Well, as serious as I can be. The pictures behind my eyes mean everything to me. I've recently had "There's a starman waiting in the sky" by David Bowie going round and round in my head and then I had to draw it, and you know what it feels like? It feels like the man I've been waiting for is coming to me. After all this time of being single, I think I won't be come mid-march. Why mid-march, I'm not sure, it's just that feeling that I get. And I haven't had that feeling before. Blimey, a wonderful opportunity is opening itself up to me. Am sure. It just feels like so... And if it's Russell, he'll be so disappointed coz he likes big boobs and I just got remeasured after Evie sucked me dry and I'm all little again. Gonna do the Innertalk CD to get all bigger again. Worked pre-pregnancy last time!
I got the glass fixed in my door the other day after waiting over a week. My chest infection calmed down immediately. Will be proper well again soon but am looking forward to extra person hanging out in my house until I sell it and leave.
Everyone knows 23 is the magic number. I was born on the 23rd and so it must be true! I've been a veggie for 23 years now. Vegan for 21, raw for 8. All great numbers. Especially for me...
The other day, Rochelle and I did an ayahuasca ceremony, facilitated by my shaman, Sean. I have to say that it was the most profoundly healing medicine I've ever had. It lasted hours, much longer than Sean's normal sessions, but what did he expect from us raw chicas? I had a little ayahuasca when I had some healing sessions with Sean a while ago, but never had a whole ceremony, the full on thing. I was fully prepared for it but didn't know that I'd be looked after by a Bwiti who showed himself to me as I began. I also didn't know that I'd meet Xochipilli!
The session brought me a series of realisations, depth and answers to many questions. I can't wait for the next one. Having removed a major negative thoughtform from my being, I'll be in a much better space to speak to Xochipilli if he comes back to me. I hope he does, I love him!
I'm not going to write much about the experience, as it's deeply personal, but I do urge you to check it out on the internet to see if it's something that could help you. I've heard it said so many times that it's the most powerful medicine on the planet, and you have to be ready to die (ego-wise). You have to show no resistance, and you need a great shaman. If you have all that in place, you'll fast track your healing and expand your consciousness further than you could imagine. I'm still realing from it, actually.
And here's something else I'm going to be learning when I get the book, because 2012 is so close now and I really feel this is the way forward for us. Lakshmi told me about it a few months ago, and then there was Sean with a book on it, saying he practises ever day... and Sean is looking so healthy these days, like I've never seen him:

This year's Realistic Holistic Revolution Retreat with David Wolfe in the UK wil be held in October at Gaunt's house in Dorset, this promises to be one of the most exciting events of the year... Also look out for other interesting events put on by this revolutionary crew headed up by the beautiful Twinkel et al. (Phew, nothing to do with me this year, I'm too busy twiddling my thumbs). I will be attending the evening event (as a guest) so would love to see you all there, too!
They say life begins at 40. My sister was 40 in June last year. She said she'd rebel and get a tatoo. She rebelled and started drinking coffee. Every time I see her she looks more and more vibrant (not the coffee!), like she's really in her element and getting happier and happier. It's so lovely to see. Wish I had the same metabolism as her. She stuffs her face with cream cake and is so skinny, and I only have to look at an avocado and I put on a stone (not an avocado stone, that'd be silly)!
Phew. This week, I've had two of my major projects delayed. Instead of flapping about I just thought "I have to do more non-thinking to reslove them" (not a typo, reslove is when your heart resolves issues, not your head). So I held on to the vision and just knew that without getting in the way, they'd work themselves out, just untangle before my eyes. And they did. So without further ado, I'm so very utterly actually literally really and well and truly ecstatic to present you with....

Ok, don't get too excited yet. They're about six weeks away from coming true, but they are actually properly happening. We've got them in 100% biodegradable packaging, we've got a brand new lady, Desire, to replace Strumpet who's flounced off somewhere, the floozy, and we've raised the bar.... the chocolate bar. We're overecstited. More soon, I promise.
So Admmm was on Horizon the other week. We knew it was a stitch up, because there's so much institutional fear around foods that liberate people's consciousness. But, I just don't buy into the whole lizard conspiracy theory thing as that gives energy to where I don't want it to go. Again, one of the UK's top dieticians, Catherine Collins gives pseudo advice based on pseudo results of a pseudo scientific experiment. And I was shocked to see that she's looking even less vibrant than usual. Her diet really needs an overhaul. I seriously hope the diets she puts her patients on are different to the diet she's on, otherwise she'd be acting very unethically, advising people to eat food that makes them look ill and overweight. And she wouldn't do that, would she? Not working for the NHS and being on the board of Yakult and all?
Anyway, check the vids out. It's so beyond silly, you just have to laugh in the face of what's happening these days.
There are more, but the programme was so rubbish and untruthful that I really can't list them here, the energy is too dense for me.... Like some intensive pig farmer saying his method is better coz less of the pigs he raises get rolled on by their mums than organic pigs. Yeah, prison's much safer than being free to roam. Not that I eat any pigs, but if I did, I certainly wouldn't choose to eat ones that have spent their life in prison, you just get the prison vibe in you, don't you? So, feel free to go to Youtube and look up horizon and superfoods and add your comments. If you want. Or not. Really doesn't matter any more. There's no point in fighting it now, is there? It's clear what's happening in the world and it's perfect. Collins or no Collins. Regan or no Regan. Shazzie or no Shazzie. You or no You. etc.

I realised the other day that all the cheques I made out in March were made out for April. Time's speeding up, but not that much.
Rochelle Von Rock Star bought be The Astonishing Power of Emotions for my birthday. I've since become a bit of an Abraham addict. I play this at least four times a day. In fact, I bought an iPhone recently, and I play it on there, too. Yes, iPhones are as good as you can imagine. Not like a phone, more like a fluffy pink dog in a handbag. Very cute. So I go to the loo and listen to Abraham's Rampage of Invincibility. I'm also forcing everyone who works for me to listen to it too. I have to say that it's the best thing I've ever seen on YouTube, like ever.
Love it.
I was supposed to be doing a local radio interview on April 1st, but it didn't happen. Clearly the April Fool gods thought they'd mess about with me. First, some guy at the station insisted on me using a surname, which isn't my professional name, so I said I wouldn't and it was his choice if he still wanted to have me on. I really wasn't bothered, though thought it'd be a nice interview to do, as it was local, and I much prefer them because there's less agenda and control than national media. But clearly not in this case. Then the guy said he'd let me on using my professional name, but then insisted on getting a naturopath on the show at the same time to "balance" my views because they're contentious. Er... so a nice interview was going to turn into a debate. I don't do debates, so I declined the offer. Then I got this whole barrage of abuse from the guy saying the show would be much better without me and community radio isn't there for people like me to spout propaganda and I'm hiding behind a name etc. It was the strangest thing. I didn't reply, because I'm not gonna give someone I don't know any more of my energy, but there was really no need to have a go at me. It was some serious abuse because I wouldn't submit to his controlling ideas. Like I wasn't supposed to have a choice, I was just supposed to do as he said, and when I didn't, he got angry. But I agreed to go on a radio interview, not a radio debate. Am so not into arguing, and am not media-hungry so will only do what I want.
Anyway, this does seem to happen to me every now and then. People who don't know me (like have never spoken to me) have these incredible outbursts at me, and it gets very personal. It's not often, but it does happen. And I wonder what I have to learn by it. I wonder if it's something I need to learn or if I'm just being Shazzle Dazzle and offering them a mirror for them to deal with their aggression or suppression. But then if I'm offering them a mirror, maybe I've got some aggression, but I don't see it. I really don't know. But I do know that I wouldn't hurl abuse at someone I've never met just because they wouldn't agree to a decision I'd made. Very odd. I guess it was a Shazzle Dazzle moment. I hope he's feeling better now!
No-one's bought my house yet. If you feel like sending it some moving energy, then I'd appreciate it! Last night, Admmm, Dale and Matt were all standing in my kitchen with me and Popple. I did laugh about it, as testosterone wafted up me nose.
Here's a lovely article about raw food that was sent to us this week. Mentions my raw food mainstream campaign. Er, best get me skates on to do something about it!
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So we did our event of the year this weekend. It was the Natural Products and Organic show at Olympia. It's a great time to catch up with all those people we deal with over the phone for the other 364 days of the year (OK, 265 this year). It was one thrill after another. Kate texted me and said Patrick Holford's at your stall. And even though I had my iPhone in my bra, I didn't hear it as I was Evie chasing, so missed him. Kate gave him a copy of Raw Magic and he said "what have I done to deserve this?" Gotta love him. He's one of my very personal heroes.
Solgar invited me and Ellie to their pre-event bash on the Saturday night. So, as Popple dropped off and snuggled her grandparents, we got dressed up and ecstasised the party. I think we go to far. We danced for two hours then defaced all their posters. Well, not actually defaced. They were little quotes that were printed out, but they weren't that ecstatic so we ecstasised them. They were much better afterwards. Then I turned into a mummypumpkin and had to go, which is probably best as I may just have made a show of meself.
I met a lady called Caron who's doing a business called Rawganik. She's prepackaging nut loafs, puddings and other things as fresh items for health food shops. I really hope she got some good deals. Can you imagine how exciting it would be to buy a scrummy salad with a nut loaf, all raw in a shop? Oh, we're so easily pleased.
It was a great show. We all dressed up (I was Queen Xacacao), handed out lots of freebies, and got lots of interest in our new organically certified raw chocolate bars, the first in the UK. And, even more exciting. Another amazing man, Colin, from Booja Booja had just launched his chocolate truffles in a raw range! I was over the moon (and he gave me lots of samples). They're certified organic, too, so there will now be two organic raw chocolates in the UK's health food shops. Colin's will be in the fridge, ours will be on the shelves. But not on the shelf.
So yes, we got there on Saturday, and a few copies of Raw Magic had been delivered to the hotel, waiting for us to display them at the show. It was such an exciting moment to see this beautiful book that is going to revolutionise the world even more with ecstatic raw foods. It's 300 pages, full colour, got amazing (ahem, that's me) photography in it, and the recipes are so to live for. I'm more over the moon than normal. I couldn't put it down, though I'd seen the PDF so many times. It's not the same as having the physical book in your hand is it? It really is the best book ever. Kate didn't see it til Monday, so I sent her a photo of it and ranted about it on the phone to her the night before. And when she saw it, her smile was even bigger than normal. She's so chuffed to have got her third book out so quickly. We really did jump through hoops to publish it this quickly, but then that's what superbeings are good at, isn't it?
"I am in LOVE! With Kate’s new book. I need to get an order in!"
-- Alan Martin, owner of Food For Thought
Food For Thought, I'm doing a talk there on May 15th. It's looking like a sell out, so if you want to be ecstasised with me, please get your ticket soon.
I made a new mate, Kirsty Hawkshaw, that lovely gal from Opus 3, from yonks ago. Kate's known her for decades, and Dale's one of her bezzies, so it was just a matter of time. Actually, we got so overecstited meeting each other and rambled on about plans for ecstaticness. Watch this space.
My beloved Ellie (my housekeeper/lifesaver) is going off to drama school and needs time to prepare for it. This means I have a house too big for me to deal with, so would love someone to step into her shoes as a cleaner/housekeeper (your choice). This will be 2 x 3 or 4 hours a week, up until I sell my house (that's anyone's guess as to when). I'm based 2 miles from Cambridge (UK), so you'll need a way of getting here. Please.... am on knees, on dirty floor.....
Kate can't have one book launch for Raw Magic, as the book is too magic and three is the magic number so she's having four launches. Catch her for her sparkly signature at all these. If you want some doxtoring and to meet other stars of the book, then head for the Brighton Guarana Bar one. We'll all be there.
Hosted by New Horizons at Inspiral Café, Camden
Tues 29th April, 7.30 pm
Talk, cake demo & book signing
Free entry
www.myspace.com/ournewhorizons
Infinity Foods Shop, North St
Saturday 10th May, 12.0
Book signing & chocolate sampling
Guarana Bar, Sydney St
Bank Holiday Monday 26th May, 3.0-6.0 pm
Ta Da Da ! Raw Magic Launch Party
Meet the stars of the book!
Miss Magic, The Doxtor, Evie Popplecake, Reuben Magic, Guarana John, Rawchelle and more will be there to sign your books.
Superfood nibbles & smoothies.
Free entry, just show up.
www.guaranaco.com
Yaoh Vegan Fayre
Saturday & Sunday May 31st & June1st, 11 am – 9 pm
Recipe demos & book signing on both days
www.bristolveganfayre.co.uk
Not content with giving me grey hairs two years ago when she choked, Evie decided to do it again last night. She ate some dehydrated sweet potato crisps just before bed, but obviously didn't swallow one. A while after she'd gone to sleep, she woke up coughing and dribbling. I got her back to sleep though she was a bit thrashy-abouty. Then about half an hour later she did the same but was coughing violently and making a big noise about breathing in. She was panicking, crying, screaming. I thought I'd drive her to the hospital (lesson learned from last time when I did nothing for a week... duuuur). Then I realised that if she was choking like this and I'm driving her down the A14, I'm not going to be able to help her. So I went on autopilot. Love it when that happens, you don't have to think, you just do. I rang 999 and within about 5 minutes the paramedics were at the house. The 999 woman stayed on the phone with me til they got there in case Evie needed any emergency help from me. At some point, I'm not sure when, she coughed the offending crisp up (I didn't see it but she told me it had gone and was in her tummy). I think it was in the ambulance, or just before.
So we got a very exciting ride in an ambulance with two very lovely young men. Evie's a Leo, she'll do anything for attention, it seems. When we arrived at hospital, they checked her out and she was OK. The Doctor said that if she had inhaled the crisp, she'll probably be OK as they dissolve easier than pine nuts (her last choking episode). I didn't like to say it was a raw dehydrated one, not a cooked one. Too complicated. Is it normal for a child to choke twice? Am not sure it is. Am gonna make her smoothies only from now on! And wrap her up in cotton wool. Oh, she's so precious to me. Yet again, I got showed the true meaning of love as I sat in hospital for hours sending Reiki to my Popple Cake. And putting plastic asparagus in the plastic toy oven.
So now, she's a bit raspy as she coughed so much, but she's good. She told all her friends about it at nursery this afternoon. And it was only the day before that I was saying "Shall we go in Uncle Wayne's fire engine one day?" Clearly she'd thought better of it and decided a midnight trip to the hospital in an ambulance was much more superior.
At hospital, I was only asked three times if her "immunisations" were up to date. Am really not sure why they do that when your child's choked on something. Yeah, her immunisations are up to date, she's 3.5 and still breastfed. But of course that's not what they meant, is it? So I said "She hasn't had any" and unlike last time, I wasn't quizzed over it.
And in the ambulance, the paramedic reminded me that they don't give people lifts home. Yeah, they're not a taxi service, they're there to attend traumas etc. So I rang Skippy, the only person that I hang out with in Cambridge (because Admmm was in Brighton being all not there for us). I said if it's not too late, could he give us a lift home as the taxi would be about twenty quid (it wasn't as it turned out it was about fifteen). So he said his gallstones were playing up and he couldn't help. Now this isn't like Skippy, we're like siamese twins sometimes. So I knew he must have been feeling rough. Anyway, got a text from him this morning saying he ended up in Addenbrooke's as well last night! We were both there! So he's got an infection in the gall bladder and am trying my hardest to convince him not to have surgery as I can Doxtor him. Hope he gets Doxtored, but he's currently too ill to read the info I've given him. Gosh. What a dramatic night.
Felt a bit odd today. Ellie came over, and will so miss her. She's the best. And got a bath and went into a bit of shock about the whole thing. Then realised that it was so similar to last time, there was no-one there to support me through the experience, though I was there for Evie. Oh. Clearly it's what I really want as it's what I have. Wonder when being so strong and independent will stop serving me so I can be soft and loved? Now would be great. The best, in fact.
So Joaquin Phoenix rang me the other day. "let's make a movie," he said. "Sure," I repiled, because I'm in love with River (my unavailable men syndrome raising its head again) and he's your brother. So we did:
OK, so some kiddies got together to make an anti-meat vid and used some of my artwork and a quote, and a clip from Joaquin in there. I love making things up. I'm at 4.30 mins if you don't want to see all the blood beforehand.
I found this vid where two guys were making one of my recipes from Naked Chocolate on youtube. Amazing.
I've been music surfing... oh, for the eighties at Rosie's in Great Yarmouth... Where does time go?
And Admmm showed me these... fab!
So what has Shazzle Dazzle been up to? Well, I got my hair done the other day at an Aveda salon and it was terrible, so I dyed it dark and it went green, so I tried to put a wash in wash out on it (chem city) and now it's a mess, like a bird's nest. Now you may go "But Shazzle, just be your natural colour" but I don't know my natural colour, it's never been that, and I think it's mousey and I'm not a mouse (U know!), so I've fannied once to often and now I look like Siren. Nice. Evie told me I look like Jessie, and everyone always mistakes us for some reason, so now she'll get confused and start sucking Jessies booboo's and as she's got a baby, she'll get more milk out of her and so she'll run off with her and I'll be all childless and upset, just because I dyed my hair. See what happens when you mess with nature? Anyway, funnily, me and Jessie dressed up as Sirens for a party, nearly 10 years ago. See how the world goes round in circles.... Amazing. Jessie had wings. Flying siren. I had a wig as I'd burned my hair off the week before at a party. See, circular hair disasters, too.
Oh, me and Admmm went to see a night of Tibetn Prayers at the Corn Exchange. It was so wonderful. It went on longer than advertised so Matt brought Evie asleep to me while it was still on. She slept through the very lown horn blowing and ecstatic dancing. They had trumpets made from human femurs. I just felt so honoured to be able to witness these Tibetan Monks doing their prayers for the love of all -- in Cambridge! I've felt odd about China for a long time now. This was made more intense when we went to see Landscapes, a film about humanised landscapes. The Chinese take on loads of rubbish to sift through and recycle, and it pollutes their local environments. It was beautiful but too harsh for us. We know what's going on! So we left early and I decided that the biggest lesson we all can choose to learn is that of non-attachment to this planet. We can't assume that the Universe doesn't know what it's doing, as that'd just be an ego thing on our part. And anyway, there are billions more planets and life forms out there. I love Earth, and nothing lasts for ever...
I did a talk at Food For Thought in Surrey on Thursday. Loved it. Everyone there loved it, too. I kind of feel that finally my energy isn't all leaking out in my booboos and I have some ability to do good talks again. May be proper on form next year, but am still turning down loads of requests. Prioritising is a great skill. Anyway, Evie came with us, and Admmm looked after her while I talked. But then Rob, the co-owner of Food For Thought had his twins there, so Evie was all happy. I love the way she's so much a part of me and my work. How it should be, I feel. Er, she keeps telling me she wants to go to school and I think that's coz people have been brainwashing her. Hmmmm. Sit down and shut up, "Evie. And stop shining so bright, even though you're a Leo." Can't see it, myself.
Me and Lisa went out to the Fez last week. This is my first night out just with the agenda of pleasure since BE (Before Evie). We had the best time ever, got a VIP table so we had space and permanent seating. I didn't know you could do such things, but age alters what you know! I snogged a 25 year old boy and snuggled him for a few hours, and don't even know who he is, which feels really nice. It seems the Universe doesn't want me to have a boyfreind or meet boys my own age (as most of them look really old, which is why I have to Make Raw Food Mainstream!). Ah, all in all it was a beautiful evening, and we didn't end up doing anything outrageous, which really makes a change!
Now Lisa wants to go out once a month and we're gonna go to New York soon, but I'm still boycotting America after what happened to Kate.
We're off to Brighton at the weekend (don't even think about robbing my house, I've got someone staying here, and he's hard). We're doing Kate's Raw Magic book launch on Monday the 26th at the Guarana Bar, so I really hope you can come. I'll be The Doxtor, and my pink dolfish will be with me.
Just for 24 hours, but it was great. He loved my new bath, and put shampoo in it to make bubbles. Then he put the jets on and this was the result. Evie thought it was too funny. Then he went back off abroad. Ah. Miss Joe already.

Philip from Lovingraw.com came to the UK in May and as I was having a Testosterone Dinner Party (all men except me), I invited him over. OK, just to clarify, two were gay, there was Admmm, and then Philip, I wasn't even attempting to teeter on the edge of an orgy. Dale was supposed to come but he was "busy working". Doesn't know what he missed. Anyway, we had fun, and it was great to meet a USA-based guy who's moving and shaking the raw world. By all accounts, Philip's got quite a following, and yet he's ever so lovely and humble. We did have such a laugh with him, and he'll never be able to go to a shoe shop again, probably.
As I had to go to Brighton for Kate's book launch, I decided to turn it into a bit of a holiday for Evie and me. Admmm came along too, as he does. We booked a beautiful room in the new MyHotel in the centre of Brighton for five nights. When we got there, they'd given us a free upgrade to their Carousel Room, their penthouse suite. Talk about the law of attraction! There was a bath big enough for five in the room we had our own private steam room, beautifully painted blinds by a local artist called Philip Shadbolt who I've admired for a while. Shagpile carpet, mahogany everywhere (not eco friendly that bit), surround sound Mac and Sky TV -- just everything. We loved it so much. The theme of the hotel is where Maharishi meets Freddie Mercury, and the mirrors and doors throughout the hotel are bestowed with quotes from both. There were crystals everywhere, and the whole hotel was feng shui'd. So we had five nights of top notch luxury, and parties with our mates every night in there. Then on the last day, Evie said "I don' t want to go home". She loves the hotel life!
So Kate's book launch was of course very magical. What do you expect for a book called Raw Magic? Gela -- Angela Stokes showed up, and she was supposed to be in Australia. Then Philip showed up again, and many more. Many of the book's stars were there. We did have fun. There was a lovely girl there who was only 19, and a local lass. I took her round all the book's stars and got each page they were on signed. Her book was full of quotes and autographs. There's something quite odd about signing a book that's not yours. I let Kate take centre stage by me having green hair and her having pink hair. I hope she appreciated my attempt to look unattractive for her. Actually, I couldn't bear it and left halfway through to buy a green hat. I thought it might make my hair look like it's just reflecting the green of the hat. Reminds me of an egg I cooked when we used to have our restaurant. The yolk wasn't in the centre so I cut it out and moved it. My mum disapproved, but she's not into aesthetics as much as I am. Style over substance, any day. I've since had my hair rescued, which took four hours in a salon. I hope I've learned my lesson. Am blonde again now, no green in sight.
Now, home is still in Cambridge, and my house is still for sale. The odd person comes to look at it, but the one hasn't arrived yet. Am sure it soon will. My houses always take forever to sell, even though they're very pretty. This is such a lovely house. If I could pick it up and move it, I would. So I'm still considering my options, I could do a let-to-buy, I could let-to-let. I could stay put. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I just do nothing. And I think I'll do nothing until Admmm leaves, which will be in a few weeks. It's easy to stay here when he's here, coz I'm not lonely, but when he's gone, I'm not going back to square one again. Never gonna be lonely ever again, it's too hard to be in that zone with a child. Admmm's presence here has made such a difference to us, and we'll be sad when he moves on, but it'll open up space for other stuff to happen, for more life to come in.
At work, things are very different. We're growing all the time, and very exciting things are always going on. We've just moved to our new office. Not as pretty from the outside as Millennium House was, but we've custom made it inside to fit our requirements, so it's much more practical. And it's huge! It's two warehouses together and we've knocked through. All the staff are now in one place, and everyone's really happy about it. You can still visit any time, and now you don't need an appointment. It's not like a shop though, it's all warehousey and bulky, so don't expect a Raw Tesco!
My fourth book is very very very nearly finished. Because I can only work a few hours a week on it, I don't want to give a publication date yet, but I do think it'll be out within six weeks. Today, I finished my final edit, and handed it off to my editor for his first pass. It moves very fast at this stage, well, it does compared to the 3.5 years it's taken to write it! Very fitting that I finished it on the summer solstice. Lovely, in fact. It's very exciting, and it really will help all those families who want their children to be raw vegan. We've done all the calculations of how to get everything necessary into your child for her/him to flourish.
It's quite timely as my lovely friend Holly had an interview published in The Independent this week. Like several other UK raw mums, veganism didn't work for her, and her story's compelling. As a long term vegan, I really felt like I had to do the research to get it right for Evie, and Evie's Kitchen clearly shows how you can also do it if you want to. For me, being vegan is more important than all raw, yet I constantly monitor Evie's progress. Now I'm out of breastmilk and she has no animal products at all I need to ensure that her growth remains good. Supplementation is key for a raw vegan child. It's been the steepest learning curve of my life, and I'm really glad I'm in a position where I can share it with other mums, and hopefully help them make the most optimal choices.

Am not one for protesting, but...
My beloved friend Veronika, author of The Drinks Are On Me has highlighted a little law that the UK government are trying to sneak past us.
They are attempting to make it illegal to breastfeed a child older than six months in public!
So why is this happening? Why can mothers feed cow milk (designed for big animals with small brains) to their children in public for eternity, when other mothers can’t publicly feed their children the milk they’re designed to have?
If you are as flabbergasted as I am, please sign this petition now. You must enter a valid email address, and you must be a UK resident or ex-pat. Please forward this message to anyone who can sign this petition. It’s really important that all breastfeeding in public remains legal for children of all ages.
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/breastfedright/
Summer photosHere are some pictures of what I've been up to.
I'm very happy to announce my new free ebook is available and begging for you to download now! Please check it out and distribute it far and wide; it's going to cause a restaurant revolution!
Food MattersMy hero Dr Andrew Saul, and one of my best friends David Wolfe and a few other nutritional superstars have made a DVD called Food Matters. It's a documentary about how food makes you feel well. You can buy the DVD or do a pay per view option so you can see it right now. Here's the blurb...
Sick and tired of the confusion surrounding food? Want to feel good and prevent or reverse illness and disease? Join the Leaders in Nutrition and Natural Healing from around the globe in a Mission to Uncover the Truth...
WELCOME TO FOOD MATTERS
Food Matters is a documentary film informing you on the best choices you can make for you and your family's health. Helping you save time, money and effort. In this day and age with so many companies interested in profiting from your misfortune and ill health this film will help keep your money in your pocket and your health in your hands. We all know someone with Cancer, Heart Disease, Stroke, Diabetes, Obesity, Mental Illness, Depression, Asthma, Arthritis, Osteoporosis, Chronic Fatigue, Allergies and on and on... Knowing what to do and where to turn has become unbelievably complex.
We invite you to join the World's Leading Authorities on Nutrition and Natural Healing as they uncover the true cause of disease. Find out what really works, what doesn’t and what’s killing you.
Becoming informed about the choices you have for your health and wellbeing can save your life.
Watch Food Matters now, and tell all those you love about it, too!
Me and Kate are on a new DVD called The Raw Food Files. The trailer's out now, and the DVD is coming in a little bit. There are some other raw guys on there, too, but they didn't film in a hotel bed like us. Thanks to Emma and Paddy for making it a really fun day for all of us. Watch out for Evie and Reuben's star appearance. They filmed in bed, too.
There's this lovely raw lady called Revvell who has a raw radio station from the USA. The other day she invited me on and we nattered for ages before we got to the point of anything. Then we got a bit deep and meaningful, and then we laughed a bit more. You can hear it free from Tuesday 15th July here.
Food Matters ...2 (Shazzle speaks up)OK, so I've watched Food Matters twice now. How do I feel. Shocked. There is *still* so much repressed information out there, which is what I'm shocked about. Charlotte Gerson is on there giving the real figures about cancer healing and therapy. Of all the people who had cancer where their doctor told them there was no hope -- where they were told by their doctor that they would die of cancer -- 50% of those people *cured themselves* using Gerson therapy. Even when there is "no hope" for someone according to medical standards, they still have a 50% chance of living. And this information is repressed.
Well, thank goddess for this DVD, because now it's out there, described by medical doctors who work on health, not disease, and who know how to cure the incurable. Please, if you or your loved one is ill, get this DVD now and take on board what these real experts say.
Watch Food Matters now, and tell all those you love about it, too!
I had a rant the other day. I've spoken about it before in my blog and interviews, but something very powerful was moving through me and this was the result. I've been observing raw vegan children for seven years. I've been observing the way their parents either covered up their malnutrition and growth issues, made excuses about why their children weren't right, or if they took non-raw or non-vegan steps to correct the problems, how they were cast out of the raw community and branded a failure or traitor to the raw cause.
Witch hunt, the emperor's new clothes and 1984 spring to mind.
Every caring parent's number one priority is to have a healthy, happy child. If malnutrition arises and you take steps to correct them, then that's not child abuse, that's what loving intelligent unbrainwashed parents do. However, when it goes wrong through malnutrition, and isn't corrected due to misguided belief systems, that is child abuse. You can't call it anything else.
Out of rant mode, I stand by everything I said in my article and I won't bow to pressure from people who haven't ever raised a child, or from those who have deficient children and won't own up to it. It takes a bigger person to admit they were misguided and correct the situation, than it does to cover up the deficiencies, lie about their child's diet, or make excuses as to why their children are too small or have tooth decay, or worse.
I don't know why no other prominent raw food author has issued a warning against unsupplemented vegan diets and children, they all know about it, believe me. So, as a big mouth, and as someone who is strongly guided towards love and truth (and not hype, sales, marketing, cultism and guru status), I guess it had to be me!
So this is my request to you:
If you are a parent of a child with deficiencies, then I urge you now to make changes to correct them. Your child will thank you when s/he is older, if you did all you could to ensure they were healthy. If you are considering having a raw child, find out the facts first, and supplement yourself and your child. Breastfeed for as long as possible, get them into super nutrient food, and give them green juices and seed milks.
We need to remember that we don't own our children. Our belief system isn't theirs. Their needs must be addressed, otherwise we are failing them. Kids on a junk food diet are being failed, even kids on standard UK or American diets are being failed, let us, as raw vegans or raw veggies or ecstatic foodists make a difference and produce a generation of ecstatic, right brained, fully healthy children. That's why they chose us as parents -- they knew we were up for the challenge!
It is possible to bring up a raw vegan child in a fully healthy way. If you want your children to be raw and vegan, then you need to give them small amounts of supplementation. End of.
To get enough choline into a vegan child without supplementing, you'd have to give them a kilo of nuts a day! That would be impossible, unhealthy and would lead to other deficiencies. Getting huge amounts of spirulina, marine phytoplankton and other similar foods is also difficult. Getting enough vitamin K2 (not vitamin K1) is impossible, yet it's that vitamin which causes minerals to deposit themselves on teeth and bones. How can a child eat so much flax powder or oil to get enough DHA when you can't guarantee what the conversion rate even is? Small amounts of these foods can go in smoothies, crackers and dips etc, but most raw children like to eat food they recognise (Evie is a huge mono eater, and I respect that), so we have to do what we can to work around it. Supplements are a safety net in your precious child's development, if nothing else.
This picture of Evie was taken at aged 3 years and 10 months. She is 100% vegan and was 100% raw for 2 years, 99% raw for the next year and now is a sociable 95% raw, yet still 100% vegan. I've supplemented her since about 16 months old, when her breastmilk intake changed. She's tall for her age, and she shows no signs of deficiencies except one cavity which I'm observing. However, as she's stopping her breastmilk on her fourth birthday, I'm going to keep a very close eye on her development. If you want to know what I supplement her with, read the article. If you want to know about all my research and observations, keep an eye out for Evie's Kitchen, it's all in there and will be released soon.
Finally, a word from David Wolfe, taken from an interview he did. "A carefully chosen raw-food diet containing organic fruits, vegetables, sprouts, nuts, seeds, superfoods, and herbs with appropriate supplements works beautifully for both children and older adults." Note the "with appropriate supplements". Please don't try it without supplements, it's too risky, regardless of what anyone else may say.
You may know that the breastfeeding law is about to change to protect mothers feeding their children in public if the child is under six months. Six months and a day or older? You could be prosecuted. I'm glad I ignore the law! Evie is on the cusp of coming of the breast for good, but right up to the last minute I've fed her in public (and I do it very overtly, boobs over the top of my clothes, as too much tummy gets exposed the other way round), and no-one has ever said anything negative to me. Maybe it's where I live, maybe it's the vibe I give off, but all I get are smiles. Here's to full term breastfeeding and all who benefit from it, regardless of where it is done.
Doxtor Googler found some vegan pollen extract. It's sold in the US, but they sell to the UK. The stuff is actually sold in the UK under a different brand but as a medicinal food for prostate health. Didn't seem right buying it for some reason! So this is pollen collected direct from the flowers, and not from bees. It's then got the husk removed and so is the nutritious centre. It comes in veggie capsules, but we'll empty them and add to food, we do that with all our foods that come in caps. I don't know how the nutritional value compares to bee pollen as their are no bee legs in it! So maybe no B12 (bee12?), however, I think it's worth a go as another extremely nutritional food for my Popple and myself. I'll let you know if I feel any great benefit. And if anyone knows of any non-bee flower pollen available in the UK loose (not in capsules), please let me know. Very excited about this.
Kate gets overextited about her new book Raw Magic at the launch in Brighton.
To all the countless people who have sent emails of love and support regarding the raw vegan children article. As I hoped, it's gone a fair way to help people update their reality on what's right and good for their children. This was all I'd hoped for. The press wanted to interview me about the article but I couldn't see how putting this info out to the mainstream would be constructive at all, so I declined. We issued a statement to say that everyone who is raw vegan would already know of this article by now so going mainstream would serve no purpose. I have no wish for it to become a vehicle to bash vegans or raw foodists.
Thank you also too, to the people on a highly unsupportive and unrealistic raw food forum who have told so many lies about me and who couldn't find just one healthy raw vegan unsupplemented child past breastfeeding age when asked. Their interestingly fabricated stories were the straw that broke the camel's back in this situation. I'd already seen enough children suffer, but to read people lying about their experiences and dismissing the importance of supplementing a raw vegan child's diet just tipped me over the edge. So I'm extremely grateful to them, because without them, this cover up would still be covered up. Without them, the odd raw vegan child you see that seems "not quite right" may always remain so. Without them, the raw food community would still be living in fantasyland.
Because of the messages on all the constructive raw forums that have picked this article up and because of all the letters of support I've had, I have high hopes that there never need be any more raw vegan kids who suffer at the hands of idealism and dogmatism, so BLISS U ALL.
Gosh, we did have the best night ever at the world's best restaurant. More pics of this soon.
Today Evie is 4! (5th August). No more breastfeeding for me. Must wear bra in bed, or she'll pounce. This picture was taken at her birthday party on Saturday. We didn't take many as we were having too much fun. Best 4 year old party ever. Everyone loved the raw cake. "You should market this" said Evie's gran. Yeah, I'm not busy enough. I'll do that.
Will you guys on the forums stop spitting venom at me? It's not nice to do that, and how evolved does it make you look? What on earth is inside of you for you to be so nasty? Check out the facts of what I'm saying, weigh up the risks of raising a raw vegan child unsupplemented and then do it or don't do it. It's simple. Is there any need to keep perpetuating lies and nastiness about me? As one person said to me "It says a lot more about them than it does you." And I know it's only a handful of people, and some people are even doubling up on identities, but this issue isn't about proving who's right and who's wrong, it's about having healthy children. If you don't believe what I've been researching over the past four years, then either update your belief system or don't and risk having malnourished children. You can always supplement your children if you see they're not thriving. It's simple, it's simple, it's simple.
Now enough with the slagging off, I'm too busy selling snake oil and making millions, don't you know!
Whenever I've had a tooth x-ray, there's always been this one wisdom tooth that laid horizontal beneath the surface. "That'll never come through" the dentist told me. "I bet it does" I said, knowing my body's amazing ability to put things right, even if it's very slow. So, 6 months before I'm 40 (GOSH!), I've got a new wisdom tooth coming through! I can feel it, see it and it's broken a large amount of skin. Am not sure what it's done under there, if it's turning or if it's just rising to the top, I can't see. But I am always right, and I'm glad because I like the thought of being even wiser when I'm 40.
I brushed Evie's teeth in the bath last night and she had to get out and have a look at them. She came back in the bath. "Are they OK." She shook her head glumy. "No." "What's the matter?" "I've got a new tooth coming through, the same as you." Bliss her!
So it's been 4 days without breastfeeding. Evie thought it was OK at first but then 2 days in she said "I don't want to be four anymore." I asked her why and she said that if she went back to being 3 she could have her booboo again. She's also started weeing the bed which she hasn't done in about a year, so I can tell she's quite disturbed, even thought she's being brave. I had a bath with her with my bra on so she didn't try to suck my boobs. She had to put her swimming cozzie on to match me! Funny having a person that copies everything you do! So I asked her today what she misses about her booboo. She said it was the sucking. I said maybe she'd like to suck her thumb, but she didn't want to. Aw.
Love

September 2008Admmm has been my ecstatic lover on and off for two and a half years. I call him my Personal Jesus. Though he wasn't ever my boyfriend, we spent what seems like a lifetime together creating magic every day. He's my best friend, he's my muse, my sounding board, my playmate and my beautiful boy. He has influenced me more than any other being ever.
On September 11th he left his body, never to be here in physical form again. I can't relate the pain to anything I've ever felt. Like a pulling, a flattening, a draining of my spirit. I know time will change that, and I'll move towards feeling time, life and love again. But for now, I just wonder how to get through each moment, though I don't doubt I will. People do, people find strength beyond what they could previously imagine.
I'm doing all I can to support his beautiful family. All of us friends are supporting each other, too. That's all we can do.
I'm holding on to the fact that he's free now, finally free from the shackles of this world. He loved being here, and he'll love being there, too. He just loved, loved, loved. This is a lesson to everyone. Admmm never bitched about others, he never compared himself to others and he only ever made constructive comments. I would love everyone to take that on board and become more loving to each other.
I will love Admmm eternally, and will always carry his spirit in my heart. I've since promised him I'll raise Evie the way we were both trying to live ourselves: in nature, wild and free.
We used to sing this and change the words. "I f****ing belong here" We all f****ing belong here.

Admmm had lots of friends. Someone painted this for him in Brighton. Bless.
Admmm proof read my new ebook the week before he went to his paradise. "Dedicate it to me" he said. I laughed at him. Everything he said and everything that happened in that last week now makes sense.
I'm not actually working again yet, but I thought you may want to know about the Hay House promotion I was invited to take part in. Eldon Taylor, the inventor of Innertalk has a book called Choices and Illusions. To support the charity Women for Women and to promote Eldon's book, many extra special people have contributed to this promotion. And when I mean extra special people, I mean extra special. I'm sandwiched between Louise Hay herself and greats such as Michael Beckwith, Wayne Dyer, Neale Donald Walsch, Jack Canfield and Don Miguel Ruiz. I wrote Ecstasists Anonymous especially for the cause, which is only available to download via this site. Not a very easy site to see, and it sometimes doesn't load, but bear with it because there are some great exclusive gifts on there.
It's Admmm's funeral tomorrow, I hope I'll cope. It's been two weeks and I'm not eating properly so am feeling a bit weak. Am doing all I can to look after myself but it will take a long time to start feeling anything like right again. It's like a whole part of me has been ripped away. But all the wishing in the world won't bring him back and so I keep telling myself that he's better off where he is, and it must be right otherwise it wouldn't have happened. Bless my beautiful boy...


Detox Your World
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