I didn’t eat for a month
Last night I broke a juice cleanse after 28 (and a half! days). Gosh, it feels so great to have created a spiritual discipline around myself, my emotions and my eating habits. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I broke it because I’m going on holiday soon and want to be back to my “normal” raw vegan organic shamanic diet by that point. I was going to do 30 days but I was at an allotment on the grounds here and there was some black kale, looking like fountains begging me to eat a tender inner leaf. So I did.
What a beautiful thing to break a fast on: freshly picked organic homegrown black kale. Oh yeah, stomach certainly approved.
So now, I’ll transition back into solids with lots of juice still, and soups and a few little bites of easy to digest food. I ate an olive last night, it was heaven! Certainly my appreciation for the beautiful food I have in my life has been reawakened.
So why did I do this cleanse? Mostly to remove old emotions. Unless you’ve been through it, there’s no way you can imagine the shock, trauma and emotions that come up surrounding the sudden death of a loved one. Of course I did all the healing I could do at the time and over the following months, and I was also fully aware that I’d started to stuff down residual emotions with food. Over the months, my metabolism was at an all-time low from lack of movement. Even with all the healing, iboga and ayahuasca, there was a huge part of me that just recoiled from the world and shut itself off. And as aware as I was about this being part of the grieving process, I wanted my “me” back. It was time.
It was clear I had to do something radical, to kick start my metabolism, to get my body wanting to dance with life again, to get those thoughts of death and dying out of my head. So a juice cleanse made sense. I can’t fast while looking after Evie, yet I could do a juice cleanse.
Week one was pretty hellish. I was crying, miserable, grumpy and unable to suppress any of it with food. I stayed in bed a lot and put on healing music. I allowed the emotions to come out, they were actually just waiting at the exit… they weren’t deep.
Weeks 2-4 were great. I had all the obvious things associated with a juice cleanse. I lost a bit of weight, I gained massive amounts of energy, I slept less, I created more, I smiled more, I refound my love for life… my love for life within LIFE, not within gadgets, food and distractions. I questioned all of it. I have a perfect life and it wasn’t feeling so great because of these residual emotions. I asked myself time and again “what do I want to do with my time?” I realised I was also missing Evie since she’d started school. I was with her almost 24/7 before we moved, and suddenly she’s at school, playing with her friends and staying with her daddy alternate weekends. I’d not been this free for five years, and I didn’t know what to do with my time. I didn’t want to work all hours anymore. I’d been there, done that. I didn’t want to be a housewife, I’m not married to a man let alone a house. But then it came to me… I just want to be love, be wth loved ones, be around my garden, make a garden, grow food… all those things I used to be before my intensive mothering time with Evie. I haven’t grown food since I had her, and it’s a real passion of mine. So I put that out to the universe. Yesterday my good friend Lakshmi turned up. I showed him my unused allotment plot on the land. He’s coming back over today to work with me on getting it up and running. Juice feasting gives you great clarity and single-mindedness. I asked and I received, very quickly indeed.
So now I’m transitioning into food again, I’m expecting my body to metabolise it well. It’s had a month of super nutrients in an easy to assimilate form. it’s feeling great. I’m aware that I need to get regular exercise, which sometimes comes in the form of bouncing on the trampoline with the kids and sometimes in the form of weights and frog squats in my bedroom. I’m going to aim for at least 30 minutes a day. I’m also continuing the juicing, with only small amounts of food. That suits me best all the time anyway.
Most of all, I’ve gained my “me” back. It’s almost a year since Adam died. There’s not an hour that goes by where I don’t think of him, but the pain isn’t the same. And the juice cleanse has released so much of the emotional trauma that was trapping me and stopping my body feeling good. We don’t deal with death in our culture very well at all, and I didn’t know what to do about my physical reaction to this, but now I’ve done the juice cleanse, I would recommend it to anyone who’s been through trauma or a big life change. It causes you to become fully conscious about all your actions and thoughts, not just your eating habits. It’s a great release, and I’m blissed to have had the support I have in my life.
I love u.